The Pursuit

When it comes to the Christian dating scene, things can become stressful and sketchy with all the rules of what to do and what not to do. For the final week of the Love Letters Series, I want to talk about the Pursuit. I want you to be encouraged when pursuing a love interest and not overwhelmed with focusing on the usual red flags.

But first, let me give you the answer to the riddle I shared at the beginning of the series.

It’s raining and you pass a bus stop. There are three people there. A woman about to go into labor, your best friend, and the love of your life. Your car only has two seats. What do you do?

There may be many answers to this question. The answer I stand firmly in agreement with is to let your best friend drive the woman going into labor to the hospital. And you should wait at the bus stop with your loved one. Or skip the bus altogether and take an Uber.

I hope you enjoyed the riddle and got the answer right. Now back to our regularly scheduled post for the week.

Relationship Goals

Knowing what you want before someone pursues you, or you pursue someone, will help you find the right person in the right season at the right time. As you get to know your love interest, make your intentions clear as to what you desire out of the relationship. Don’t be afraid to be honest with what you want.

For example, if you just want to date, let the person know you enjoy their company and not looking to move forward with anything serious. If you are looking to date someone with the end goal of marriage, let your love interest know. If in agreement, start working towards that goal.

You don’t want to be in a relationship with two different end goals in mind. You want to be on the same page and have the same relationship goals. Having the same relationship goals will minimize confusion down the road when it is time to decide to part ways or continue to move the relationship forward.

And just a caution for women. When a man tells you he just wants to be friends, just wants to date for fun, or just enjoys your company, believe them. Good men are usually honest with their intentions, and you can’t change their minds no matter how much you manipulate them. Plus, you want to be someone’s Rachel, no their Leah.

A player, on the other hand, male or female, will play off your emotions and tell you anything you want to hear. That’s where prayer comes in handy. Through prayer, the Lord will reveal the other person’s heart and their true intentions towards you.

“The One” Could Be Anywhere

For Christians, the dating scene tends to make us believe we will only find “the one" at Christ centered events. Now, this may be true for some, but for most of us it's not.

Make yourself available to be sought after as you enjoy your life. Pursuing a love interest at church, Christian conferences and Christian events are great, but Christians also go to sporting events, concerts, the grocery store, the beach, etc. Don’t just limit your boundaries for pursuing people at church related events. Wolves in sheep clothing go to church too.

Plus, I’m a firm believer if you’ve been at a church for several years and have not crossed paths with “the one” or found anyone who may qualify as a love interest more than likely; your mate is not at your church. Your future mate is probably at the next Texans game waiting to meet you at the concession stand. Not mine though, the lord knows I’m too frugal to buy anything from the concession stand. But I’m not scared to walk by the concession line, in case he notices me!

Respond to the Pursuit

If you pursue someone, give them a hint you are pursuing them. Just don’t make the pursuit awkward. Then again, awkward moments may win over the heart. When someone pursues you, and you share the same level of interest, respond to their pursuit.

A little advice for the men. Strike up a conversation with the person you are interested in pursuing. Ask them for their number or ask them to hang out sometime. Don’t assume because you spoke to the person you showed signs of interest.

Why, because some women, like myself, are genuinely friendly. If you approach me with the same friendly approach, I'll never assume you are interested, I will assume you are a really nice guy. Unless you share some type of hint you would like to continue the conversation beyond the moment we crossed paths, it will never dawn on me you were trying to pursue me.

For the women, if a guy is knowingly pursuing you, don’t play games with him or make him jump through ridiculous hoops. Boys might like the games, but men don’t. No matter how old they are, it’s hard enough to muster up the confidence to talk to you. It takes a lot of strength to battle the fear of rejection, especially if you are trying to pursue someone you are interested in dating or even marrying.

Now, don’t make it too easy and don’t make it too difficult for a man to pursue you, just be cool. And by all means, please don’t try to lead the relationship. Don’t move the relationship faster than the man wants to lead. Always remember boys, play house. Men build homes.

Love is one of the most beautiful things to experience on this earth. Don’t make it difficult, and don’t put more into love than love will allow. Have relationship goals. Be open-minded. Make your intentions known and respond to the pursuit of a love interest.

Until next time, pursue with confidence. If you get rejected, it’s okay. There is plenty of fish in the sea!

Be Encouraged!