The Greatest Love Triangle
One of the many reasons I love the Bible is how juicy the stories are. If you are looking for a good Soap Opera, shocking stories, and Reality TV level-ish craziness without the script, you should read the Bible. Especially the Old Testament.
One of the juiciest stories is what I call the Greatest Love Triangle, the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel (Genesis 29-30). Now before you theologians come for me, I know it was all a part of God’s great plan. I understand the customs of that time and Judah – the 4th son of Leah, carried the lineage of Jesus Christ (Genesis 29:35; Matthew 1:1-17). But there is a lot in this story we can learn when it comes to relationships.
NEVER SETTLE
Jacob loved Rachel with all of his heart. He knew Rachel was "the one" he wanted to marry. Although, according to the marriage customs and traditions of that day, Leah was supposed to get married before Rachel. Therefore, Jacob had to marry Leah before he could marry Rachel. Jacob had to settle for Leah and work an additional seven years before marrying Rachel (Genesis 29:18-30).
When it comes to settling, settling looks like dating someone you know does not meet your standards, a person who does not treat you respectfully, or a person who does not love you with the same level of love you have for them. If you are involved in any of these types of relationships, you may want to rethink the relationship. Pray and ask God whether this relationship is a part of His plan for you. If God says no, be okay with walking away. Walking away can prevent you from experiencing a lot of unnecessary heartache down the road.
Allowing people to dictate who you should pursue in a relationship is another form of settling. People can dictate your relationship by saying things like, you guys make a cute couple. Your clock is ticking, and you are running out of time for marriage and building a family. He or she is a good guy. You may never find anyone like that again. If you do not feel right about the relationship, do not settle.
The worst forms of settling are settling for financial security and having a negative view of one’s self. Being in a relationship you do not want to be in, due to financial security, is just as bad as ignoring the red flags. When we have a negative view of ourselves to the point we either do not believe we deserve someone amazing, due to our guilt and shame of the past, or our insecurities scream we are not worth it, we end up settling. Not able to see our true worth and value in a relationship.
NEVER FORCE ANYONE TO LOVE YOU
Reading about Leah continuously pursuing the love of someone who did not love her in return, grieved me. Leah believed, if she kept having children, she would eventually gain Jacob’s love over his love for Rachel (Genesis 29:32-34; 30:20). Child after child Jacob’s love never changed toward Leah (Genesis 29:30).
If someone is not showing signs of interest in you, it’s okay. Walk away from the love interest. Dismiss your heart from that person as soon as you realize the person is not interested in you. Or if the love interest blatantly tells you they are not interested in you. Why? Because sometimes we are so focused on the one that’s not interested in us that we may miss the one who is.
Furthermore, you want to dismiss yourself from the relationship because the rejection could open up doors of depression, the questioning of your worth and identity. Questioning whether or not you are intelligent enough, pretty/handsome enough, desirable enough, or worth loving and marrying. You are all these things for someone, just not for them.
WAIT FOR THE RIGHT SEASON AND THE RIGHT TIMING
One of the things I love about Jacob is his willingness to wait and work 14 years to be with Rachel. Could you imagine waiting for the love of your life for 14 years? I know there are some circumstances where you may have to wait for years before getting married, but a 14 year engagement (Genesis 29:18, 28-30)?
If you are interested in someone or someone is interested in you, don’t rush into starting a relationship right away. Especially if you still have some things you need to work on. Take some time to get to know who you are (your identity); know yourself (your character), and know what you want (in life and a spouse). Get to know the person you are interested in dating or marrying.
The right season and timing are everything when it comes to relationships. When its the right season and time you will know. If it’s not, keep moving forward. I’ve heard testimonies where people have met in one season, and it wasn’t the right time. Months or years later, the two people crossed paths again and got married. People who share these testimonies believe, had they gotten married when the season was not right, they would have been divorced by now.
On the other hand, some relationships move fast. You can meet someone one day, and six months later, you're married. People, who share these testimonies say, they were able to move quickly in their relationship because they were secure in their identity. They knew themselves and exactly what they wanted in life and a spouse. They knew it was the right season and the right time.
One thing for sure, whether we are loved by our spouses or our children, God's love never fails. And it never failed for Leah, Jacob, and Rachel. Even in their messy triangle of love, God still loved them. (Jeremiah 31:3; Psalm 136). For the love God has for us is more than any human's love. Who else do you know will sacrifice their son, that you may live (John 3:16; John 15:13)?
As you go through the levels of a relationship, never settle. Never force someone to love you. Wait for the right season and timing. Moreover, remember, above anything else, God’s love is greater.
Be Encouraged!
